The Pseudo Girlfriend Agency
by The Funky Potato
Summary: "Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency! Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"Professional faking at its best./AU/OOCness/Sasu-Hina/
1. Story: Teaser

**The Pseudo Girlfriend Agency**

A Sasu-Hina Fanfiction

**Summary : "**_Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency! Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"_ Professional faking at its best./AU/

**Disclaimer : **I don't own the anime. I won't own the anime. I will never own the anime. Yeeeaah.

**Teaser **

* * *

"I'm getting married."

Sasuke looked up from his laptop towards the doorway of his room. Itachi was leaning against the door, a glass of orange juice in his hand.

"The fuck ?" He asked, clearly dumbstruck by the statement said earlier. He stared open mouthed at his brother, who was busy texting someone with his unoccupied hand.

"Don't look at me like that." Itachi grimaced, tucking his phone in back pocket of his track pants and took a sip from his glass.

"Why ? Are you getting horny ? You do look ravishing." Sasuke stated, the expression on his face neutral, even though he felt like dancing and grinning at the way his brother choked on his juice.

"Excuse me ?!" Itachi squawked.

"Excused." Sasuke replied, turning back to his laptop, finishing the last remaining bits of his assignment.

"I wish they wouldn't give you any more vacations. I've had enough of you and your childish sense of humor. Just go back to university, already."

"You're just jealous."

"Of you ?"

"Yes."

"Hah. Spare me the horror."

"That's gonna be difficult."

"Oh really ?"

"Yeah. Because you're getting married to the spawn of Satan. Horror's gonna be pretty big part of your life now."

Sasuke chuckled and looked at Itachi, his teeth shining like diamonds.

With that said, Itachi chucked the almost empty glass at his younger brother, forgetting about the fact that their mother would kill the both of them if anything stained the carpeted floor.

"You are despicable." Sasuke grumbled, wiping off the orange juice dripping from his hair.

"I gladly accept that title." Itachi poked his younger brother's forehead and walked away, pausing at the door.

"By the way.. We're meeting her for lunch. Be ready by twelve."

Itachi shut the door behind him and Sasuke sighed to himself. He washed his face, tried to get the remaining juice out of his hair and was successful after his fourth attempt.

He plopped down on his bed and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. He dialed a number and waited for the person on the other line to pick up.

"The idiotic, whipped weasel is finally combining his powers of being a dork with the powers of the psycho, possessed and demonic hyena."

"_Uh.. How may I help you, sir?"_

"Naruto ? You sound really.. Pathetic."

"_You must have dialed the wrong number, sir. This is the reception at the PGA."_

"PGA ?"

"_Oh, my bad. Thanks for calling at the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency, sir. Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake ! I'm Ino, your attendant for the duration of this call. Please state your reason for calling as well as the type of female you would like. We have recently launched an offer whi-"_

Sasuke hung up.

He stared wide-eyed at the screen of his cell phone. Pseudo girlfriend agency ? Why would anyone require fake dates.. Or even fake wives ?!

He pinched the bridge of his nose and got back to his assignment on 'Erratic Behavioral Analysis : The Thoughts Of A Criminal'. He could really link the situation that just took place with the assignment he was working on. He brushed the memory of the phone call away. He had no time for girlfriends, neither real nor got up from the bed and went to take a shower.

After all, he stank of sweat, morning breath and oranges.

* * *

Ino sighed and cut the call. She looked towards her right and poked the girl beside her.

"Hey, Hinata? Could you please pass me the 'Freaky Caller Fine' jar please..? I just had another one who freaked out within the first five minutes. He'd dialed the wrong number, I guess." Ino grinned and put a bill inside the glass jar. Hinata took the jar back from her and put it underneath the reception's desk.

"You shouldn't make fun of the guy, Ino-chan." Hinata scolded, packing up for the day and got up from her seat.

"Yeah yeah. Anyway.. Are you finished with your psychology homework ? Could I like, borrow it please?" Ino gave her the puppy dog eyed look, stretching out the vowels in the word 'Please'.

They both walked towards the elevator, waving goodbyes to the people who had the afternoon shift.

"Ino-chan, we just had a two-week break from the University. I thought you're already done with the work!" Hinata whined, slumping against the wall.

"You know I hate doing homework ! Especially psychology. I mean, we're practically adults now ! Why do the professors have this constant need of making our lives Hell ? We aren't like, high schoolers anymore!" Ino complained, entering the elevator behind Hinata and pressing the button for the ground floor.

"You had two weeks to complete your work, Ino-chan. Fourteen days. Three hundred and thirty six hours. Twenty thousand, one hundred and fifty minutes." Hinata stated, crossing her arms and smiling with her teeth shining.

"Shut up, Hinata. How would I know that's correct ?" Ino huffed, blowing a strand of her platinum blonde hair from her eyes.

"You're right. It's actually twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty minutes." Hinata replied, tapping her chin with her finger.

"You're a bizarre know-it-all." Ino stuck her tongue out to the other girl.

"You are despicable." The lavender-eyed girl replied, amusement evident in her tone.

"I gladly accept that title." Ino laughed, grabbing hold of her best friend's hand and leading her out of the elevator.

* * *

"So, when is the wedding?" He asked, shaking the salt and pepper dispensers in obvious boredom.

"Two months from now! Isn't it exciting? We're going to have the wedding of our dreams!" Temari squealed, clapping her hands in glee.

"The wedding of your dreams, huh ? I remember now. Itachi, where is that doll house of you-"

Itachi stomped on Sasuke's foot underneath the table. Sasuke yelped and flipped him the bird, earning a small laugh from the blonde in front of him.

"A doll house ? Aww.. Itachi, you never told me !" Temari cooed, looking at her fiancé with obvious amusement.

"I was four!" Itachi said, irritation leaking from his voice.

"You were _seven_." Sasuke chuckled and imitated a seven-year old Itachi.

"I'm gonna get mawwied in this castle one day, mamma. To the gwirl of my dweams !"

Sasuke and Temari both erupted in shrieks of laughter, ignoring the grumbling guy beside them.

"Anyway, speaking of the wedding, I hope you're bringing your girlfriend ?" Temari asked, looking smugly at Sasuke.

"Girlfriend? What girlfriend ?" Sasuke asked, looking at Itachi and Temari both.

"He was dropped once when he was an infant. Unfortunately, he landed on his head." Itachi explained to his fiancé, throwing smirk towards Sasuke.

"Didn't you tell us that you'd met a girl ? In university ? Last semester ? Unless she came to you in your dreams." Itachi continued, his suspicions rising.

Sasuke's breath hitched in his throat.

'_Crap. How could have I forgotten about that?'_

"Uh.. Yeah.. I do have a girlfriend.. Whom I met in university.. Last year. She's a girl. I mean.. Whatever." Sasuke said, smiling in a weird manner.

"That's great ! So she's going to come with you to meet all of us, get to know each one of us.. And then she could be my maid of honor!" Temari smiled slyly.

'_Well, that escalated quickly.'_

"I'm not sure if she could come.." Sasuke avoided his brother's eyes and looked straight towards the approaching waiter.

"Why ?" Temari questioned sincerely. Not.

"Because.. She.. Uh.." Sasuke couldn't think of any suitable excuse. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"Because she doesn't exist, Tem-Tem." Itachi completed for him, looking at his younger brother straight in the eye.

"She does exist !" Sasuke shouted, not realizing that it was pretty out of character for him.

"Oh really ? Then why don't you bring her over to meet us? During Christmas break ?" Itachi challenged, his smirk mocking Sasuke.

"Fine. And I promise you this, elder brother, that everyone, _everyone,_ is going to love her." Sasuke glared, banging the table with his fists.

"We'll see." Itachi smirked and glared right back at him.

"Now, now. Let's all try to be a happy family." Temari said, waving her hands between the both of them.

* * *

Sasuke bid goodbye to his elder brother before proceeding towards the security check. After all the checks and the ticket confirmations, he finally settled down in his seat and handed his cabin baggage to the air hostess who was shamelessly thrusting her chest into his face.

He looked towards the small window beside him, waiting for his flight to take off. He was going back to Konoha University for his second semester.

He shifted in his seat and thought about what had taken place a few days ago.

"_Oh really ? Then why don't you bring her over to meet us? During Christmas break ?"_

"_Fine. And I promise you this, elder brother, that everyone, everyone, is going to love her."_

He was stuck. He knew he had to get a suitable female companion who could put up with his needs before the end of this semester.

He did have a plan though.

He would find a girl who wasn't even remotely interested in him. He would ask for a favor, negotiate with money, tuitions, alcohol and other stuff. Then, he would take her to meet his parents, act all 'lovey dovey' with her during the week and then finally kiss goodbye to all this shit.

But where would he find this girl ?

He looked towards the entrance of the plane and checked around for any hostess or attendant.

He unlocked his phone and tapped the icon of 'Call History'. His thumbs hovered over a certain number, the very same number he'd accidently given a call to. He pressed the call button and brought his phone to his ears.

"_Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency. You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"_

"Uh.. Yeah. I would like a pseudo-girlfriend, please."

* * *

Please review, everyone ! There's this little box here, you know.. ;)

This was just the teaser. If I get love, I'll wrap it up in my words and give it right back to you !

Take my kisses, dear readers. :* :D


	2. The Unofficial Meeting

**The Pseudo Girlfriend Agency**

A Sasu-Hina Fanfiction

**Summary : "**_Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency! Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"_ Professional faking at its best./AU/

**Disclaimer : **I don't own the anime. I won't own the anime. I will never own the anime. Yeeeaah.

**Chapter 1**

**The Unofficial Meeting**

It was the season of autumn when the second semester had started. Leaves of all warm hues danced around with the wind, the trees shedding themselves of their cover, the upcoming winter's chill just around the corner.

Konoha University's grounds were littered with thousands of golden, brown and orange leaves, the branches of the trees in the campus swaying along with the wind. All the blocks and the buildings adorned red and brown drapes at their entrances, signifying the end of summer and the start of autumn.

The sun shone through little openings in the clouds. The weather was what you would call the perfect weather for hanging outside with your friends or perhaps going out on a date or a picnic with the love of your life.

But he had hoards of perfume drenched pigs to escape.

Sasuke ran as fast as he could fromthe Department of Law, with ten girls on his heels. He was being chased by his 'fangirls' for the umpteenth time and he was running out of good hiding places.

He turned towards a deserted hallway in the Department of Psychology, some place he'd never set foot into. He saw an unlocked door and dived towards it, opening it and locking himself inside. He leaned against the door and panted, listening for any kind of noises coming from outside. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, his chest rising and falling with every pant.

"Uh.. Are yo-you alright ?"

Sasuke would regret the next fifteen minutes of his life after what he just did.

He shrieked like a five-year old, then shrieked again when he realized the fact that he'd just shrieked. He clenched his hair and panted. He looked towards the source of the ghost-like voice and was face to face with lavender eyes, huge, round and ghostly.

To say he shrieked again was an understatement. He practically leaped three feet into thin air, falling down on his butt when he wasn't able to balance his footing. He trembled and placed his hand over his chest, the place where his heart was beating faster than the flapping of a humming bird's wings. He shook his head, wiped the sweat off his face with the back of his sleeve and closed his eyes.

"Uh.. Wh-what are yo-you doing ?" The voice asked again, failing to scare the now calm Uchiha.

Sasuke stood straight and looked towards the person who'd caused him to have a mini-heart attack. He glared at the midnight blue haired girl leaning against the teacher's desk and slowly sauntered towards her, his eyes never leaving her small frame.

She was poking her fingers together and was hiding behind her bangs, her cheeks flushed crimson. Sasuke stopped a few steps away from her and raised his finger to touch her chin. He raised the girl's chin and looked her dead in the eye.

"Who put you up to this?" He growled, his voice seductively yet dangerously low. He didn't even want to glance at the girl's face. He just wanted to know the purpose of her stalking him.

"I-I-I.. Uh.. I-You.." The girl stammered, her head hung low. She trembled and bit her lip, avoiding his eyes.

"You stalk me, scare the living daylights out of me and you still have the audacity to ignore my words?" He said, stepping back and looking away from the white-eyed weirdo in front of him.

'_Not white-eyed. It's something lavender-ish.'_

She was still looking downwards. He tried to follow her line of sight and ended up looking at his crotch.

He was livid. He threw his bag on the floor and grabbed the girl by her arms, lifting her up a little bit so that they were on eye-level with each other.

"You were looking at my.. My.. Gah. You were staring shamelessly at my.. Male reproductive organ ?! You molester!" He stammered, heatedly and narrowed his eyes, shaking her a little so as to get an answer.

She couldn't believe this. She was being blamed for molestation when in actual he was the one who had rounded up her in a dark corner and grabbed her. All she did was ask him about his squirmed in his grasp, her back chafing against the wall. When she felt his grip tightening on her, she squealed and banged her head on the object closest to her.

His nose.

He groaned and dropped her. He clutched his now bleeding nose while she fell on her butt, her bag falling on her head. She looked at the boy and her eyes widened at the amount of blood gushing from his nose. She grabbed hold of her bag, crawled towards his bag and slung it around her shoulders and got up and rushed to the onyx-eyed boy.

She slung his arm around her shoulders and rushed him to the sickbay at the end of the block. He cussed like a sailor, complained about how ' fan-girls suck and they shouldn't exist', glared at her, growled at her for being 'such a wonky nut' yet tried not to put all his weight on her thin frame. She smiled at his pathetic attempts at wiping the blood gushing out of his nose.

He took a good look at the girl he was plastered against, drinking in her appearance. When he'd first seen her in the room, she was as plain as a shrub in a rain forest. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was angry and exhausted. Yep, he was anger-xhausted.

Curious, he carefully looked at her. Looked at her glossy, straight bangs, her long hair swishing back and forth as she struggled towards the sickbay carrying half of his weight. Looked down at her small frame clad in a purple, baggy sweat shirt and tight blue jeans. Marveled at the size of her feet, looking small and baby-ish in those white flats.

He saved her face for the last.

His gaze traveled up her neck and his eyes darkened at the sight of her crimson face. Red cheeks, a cute buttoned nose, round, pink lips and dazzling lavender eyes.

Boy, he was wrong about her being plain.

This girl stood out like a rose in a desert. Like neon lights in the open dark sky. Like a speck of silver against a black back ground.

She could feel him staring at her. She wanted to melt right there so that she could avoid looking at the boy's face. His onyx eyes were dark against his fair skin, his lips a rosy pink. She could feel the left side of his body pressed against her. She could feel the hardness of his chest through the thin jacket he was wearing. She could feel warmth radiating out of the arm that was slung against her shoulder.

Blood was seeping from his nose into his mouth. He hastily wiped the blood with the back of his sleeve, making Hinata sigh.

"What ?" He questioned angrily, glaring at her.

"Uh.. If you kee-keep on doing th-that.. The jacket will st-stain. It wo-won't come out un-unless it is im-immediately washed." She squeaked, pushing the doors of the sickbay open.

She led him over to one of the beds, helped him settle down and was glared upon when she'd reached up to unzip his bloodied jacket. She sighed and looked around, waiting for a nurse or a medical attendant to help them out. When she saw none, she herself went to work.

She fetched an ice bag and filled it with ten-twelve cubes of ice from the mini-refrigerator kept next to the nurse's table. She then retrieved some sterilized gauze strips and a diluted cleansing solution and prodded back to her 'patient'.

"No." He edged away from her, almost falling off from the bed.

"Bu-but there's n-no one ar-around." She stammered, looking at him through his bangs.

He whined and looked towards the ceiling, cursing the Heavens above. He beckoned her over and relaxed a little when she beamed at him, her whites showing.

'_Aah. Straight incisors. Nice.'_

Hinata cleaned his nose with the gauze and then placed the ice pack above the bridge of his nose. He grunted and snatched the ice pack from her, shifting a little so as to give her some place to sit.

"I'm going to ask this for the last time. Why were you stalking me ?" He demanded, his voice suppressed by the ice pack hanging in front of his mouth.

"I-I wa-wasn't st-stalking yo-you." She blushed and played with the hem of her jacket.

Sasuke snorted and then winced in pain, having forgotten about his latest injury.

"Right. So you mean to say that you were already in the room when I locked us inside, without any sort of evil or sexual plan in mind ?"

"Y-yes."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Stop it."

"Uh.."

"Are you absolutely sure that you aren't interested in me ?" He removed the ice pack and set it on the peck table beside the bed. He retrieved his bag from the floor and rose his eyebrows, silently demanding an answer from the lavender-eyed girl beside him.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm not." Hinata said sincerely.

"Oh. Be my girlfriend."

"Ex-excuse me ?!" She squawked, her eyes bulging out.

He rolled his eyes in exasperation and got up from the bed. He grabbed hold of her bag, fished her cell phone out and tapped on the contacts icon.

"Seriously ? You don't lock your phone ?" He asked as he typed his number and saved it in her phone book.

"I-I don't nee-need to.." She stammered, jumping up to retrieve her phone from his hands. Sasuke placed his other hand on her head, putting a stop to her constant skipping.

"What if someone goes through your texts? Accounts ? Passwords ?" He asked, dialing his number from her phone. His phone blared from the pocket of his jeans.

"I don't have an-any vi-vital infor-information in my ph-phone. Your phone is ri-ringing, by th-the way."

She sighed and gave up. Her hands hung at her sides.

"Oh. It's from you, idiot. I'm trying to save your number."

"I-I can file a com-complaint against you." She whispered.

"You can. But you won't."

"How can yo-you be so su-sure ?"

"Because I'm a genius. I tend to know stuff."

"Yo-you do-don't know any-anything."

"I ain't Einstein. I haven't seen you around, though. Are you new?"

"I-I am majoring in Psy-Psychology. An-and you don't see-seem like the type to stu-study Psychology. Therefore our paths wou-wouldn't have cro-crossed, ever, if you hadn't barged into the class-classroom I was in."

"I'm majoring in Law."

"Isn't that ironic ?" She whispered.

"Woah. I think I'm going to enjoy talking to you, Tomato-Chan." He grinned.

"To-tomato ?" She blinked.

"Nothing. I'll call you tonight."

He handed her phone back to her, gave her a kiss on the cheek and darted out the door.

He came back running and threw his jacket at her.

"You said it would stain. This is my favorite jacket, you know ?" He said and dashed outside. She squealed and hid her face behind her hands. She felt her face becoming hot. She unlocked her phone to see his name blinking at her.

'_Sasuke.'_

She blushed and ran away towards her next class, the feeling of his lips against her cheek still fresh on her mind. And to think he did not even know her name.

She had a lot of work to do tonight.

Homework, assignments and studying.

'_A jacket to wash and a certain guy to talk to, too.'_

Ooooooooooooooooooooo

They've met ! Praise the Lord !

Want the next chapter ? I'll give it to you, my funky followers and reviewers.

Please read and review, people.

R and R !


	3. Two Weeks' Notice

**The Pseudo Girlfriend Agency**

A Sasu-Hina Fanfiction

**Summary : "**_Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency! Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"_

Professional faking at its best./AU/

**Disclaimer : **I don't own the anime. I won't own the anime. I will never own the anime. Yeeeaah.

**A/N :** Thanks for the love, every body ! Whenever I get a new review, a new follower or a new favorite, my heart swells up. Like a raisin. You know, after it under goes osmosis ? Anywaaaay.. I love you all. I want to thank everyone who has given love to this fic. I contacted every one of my reviewers and followers, but it seems that I've left out on a few people. I apologize T_T. Thanks for the love and the appreciation. :D

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Two Weeks' Notice**

* * *

Sakura knocked on the door and waited. She felt numerous pairs of male, perverse eyes glancing at her, sizing her up. She sighed and pounded on the door, her impatience threatening to burst out. She huffed and crossed her arms which made her nonexistent breasts bounce up a little. She heard hoots and cat calls from all around her.

Why was she in the Boy's Dormitory ?

To wake up a certain Uzumaki.

She banged open the door with her long legs which made some of the guys in the adjacent room drool. She smirked to herself and walked inside the room, her hips swaying in a cat walk-like fashion. She turned around towards the hall way and saw around ten-twelve guys following her every move. She flipped her pink hair towards the side and winked at them.

When she was satisfied with their lust-struck reactions, she turned and walked further into the room, glaring at a certain blonde dozing off underneath the covers.

She tried calling out his name but nothing seemed to wake the snoring boy up.

Naruto shifted in his sleep, his hands edging towards the elastic of his boxers. His head was currently occupied by the latest fantasy he was having, the urge to moan lingering in some corner of his sub-conscious mind.

_"Oh.. Naruto-Sama.." She moaned, her baby-blue eyes half open and glittering as his hands roamed all over her body. He reached down to touch her womanhood, eager to taste her juices._

_"Tell me what you want, Ino-Chan.." He groaned, his breaths hard and fast. _

_"I want Naruto-Sama to fill me with his-"_

"Naruto ! Get up, you lazy mutt!"

He groaned in his sleep and blinked open his eyes, his vision blurry. The sun light streaming in through the windows attacked his eyes, making his head pound. He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

"It's not even eight, Sakura-chan." Naruto whined, covering his eyes with his pillow. Sakura grabbed the covers and pulled them away from his body, only to come across with a very hard and erect Naruto-Junior saying good morning to her, rising up in the Uzumaki's orange boxers.

Sakura shrieked and covered her eyes, throwing the covers on the blonde. She turned away from him and screamed,

"Class is at ten. Get rid of that and get dressed !" She huffed and stormed out of the dorm room, her designer hand bag swaying back and forth, banging the door close in the process.

Naruto stared blankly at the closed door, not understanding anything. He sighed and looked outside the window adjacent to his bed, thinking about his latest dream. Then everything clicked into place.

He looked towards the bulge in his boxers, groaning and slapping himself on the forehead. It was pretty obvious that Sakura was flustered at the sight of his morning-wood, standing tall and proud. He couldn't care less about what Sakura saw because he had someone else to think of.

Those baby-blue eyes took over his brain again and he sighed. He'd only met her last week, more like bumped into her. He had been rushing to his Accountancy class and had banged into her, making her fall down on the floor. She'd been pretty pissed at him, a very colorful vocabulary sprouting out of her plump and pink lips. When she'd realized that he was blatantly staring at her mouth, she'd flipped him the bird and stomped away.

And from that day onwards, she'd been running through his mind.

When he'd asked Sasuke for advice, the Uchiha had laughed at his face, uncharacteristic snorts escaping his mouth. The reply he'd gotten in return did not help at all.

_"Great work, Narutard. If you were staring at her mouth so desperately.. You should've jumped her while you had the chance. Pervert."_

He'd tried finding her in every nook and corner of the university's campus. He'd asked a countless number of people about her whereabouts. After a whole day dedicated to search for the blue eyed platinum blonde, he'd found her exiting the Psychology Block around dusk, clutching her books in one hand with her phone clutched in the other. He'd enquired about her and had finally found the name of that gorgeous face.

Yamanaka Ino.

He thought about her in class, in the shower, while eating, while completing his homework. He thought about her every time. Especially at _night_.

He was pulled out of his reverie when he heard Sasuke's cell phone blaring from the dresser. He scurried towards it, answering the call without checking the Caller I.D.

"Hello ?"

_"Is this Uchiha Sasuke speaking ?" _ The person on the other end asked, the feminine voice suspiciously resembling to that of the object of his infatuation.

"No, this is his roommate. Who're you ?" He asked, his voice gruff. He stiffened and glared into thin air.

How was this possible ? His very best friend, the one who knew about his raging crush on Ino, had her number ? Maybe Sasuke was friends with her. But even if he was, he would've told him, right ?

_'Maybe they're more than friends.'_

He visibly flinched at the very thought of Sasuke and Ino dating.

_"I'm speaking from the reception at the PGA. Please do inform Uchiha Sasuke that I would like to speak with him as soon as possible." _The voice at the other end said, making the blonde's suspicions vanish like a volatile substance.

_'What the Hell's PGA ?'_

Pregnant Girls Association ? Pigs Grunting Always ? Please Give us Alcohol ? People Growling are Awesome ? Phospho glyceric acid ?

"Uh.. Okay." He replied.

_"Thank you. Please do forward the message to him. I sure do owe you one."_

"Owe me? So can I like, ask you a question ?"

_"Yes. Absolutely."_

"What's PGA ?"

He heard the person on the other line groan and mutter profanities under their breath.

_"Please do inform Uchiha Sasuke. I hope you have a great day. Hinata, why am I the only one who's asked questions like these? Bloody fa-." _With that said she cut the call, the other end of the line beeping.

He stared at the screen of his roommate's phone, thinking about what he could've possibly said to annoy the caller.

_'Maybe she's PMSing.'_

He grinned to himself and placed the phone back on the dresser. He sauntered to the bathroom and into the shower, the temperature of the water cold.

After all, he had stuff to get rid of.

* * *

He grumbled to himself as he made his way out of the Department of Law. He stomped hard on the fallen leaves, the crunching sounds blaring in his ears. He should've known. He shouldn't have called her last night. Why?

Because she hadn't answered his call and had replied with a single text message,

_I'm sorry._

After that he'd stopped calling her, cursed, threw the phone on the floor, scurried off to check the very same phone's well-being, placed the phone on the dresser so that he could control the temptation of calling her again, paced in his room for about an hour, slapped his dorky roommate for sniggering at him and in the end buried himself underneath the covers and questioned the sole purpose of his birth.

Sasuke tugged on his hair and sighed in frustration. Maybe she was uncomfortable due to his actions.

He'd been uncharacteristically forward with her the previous day. He'd even crossed the line towards insanity and had kissed her on the cheek. And then like a shameless fool he'd thrown his jacket on her face, practically demanding her to be his laundry maid.

_'Although the sight of her in a maid's costume will be.. Interesting.'_

Naruto had been teasing him about how he was moaning in his sleep last night. Of course he was moaning. He was dreaming about her. Her lips and her eyes. The delicate curves he'd gotten the opportunity to explore when she'd been leading him to the sick bay the previous day.

And to think he did not even know his Tomato-Chan's name.

He slapped his forehead and walked faster. All he wanted to do was reach his dorm room and dive underneath the covers again, the plan of sulking really appealing to him.

He paid no attention to the love struck fools around him following his every move with their eyes. He paid no attention to the way his laptop bag was banging against his thigh, a bruise already in the process of forming. He paid no attention to the wind biting against his already reddened cheeks.

He paid no attention to the fact that a lavender eyed person was hurrying towards his direction. He paid no attention to the fact that he was going to bump into the very same person.

What he did pay attention to was the way he was suddenly plastered on the grass, his vision violated with the color lavender and his hands full of two squishy, soft mounds.

Hinata opened her eyes which had automatically squeezed shut when she'd been readying herself for the impact of the fall. Instead, she fell on someone else, her body shielded by the warm and hard body of her savior's body.

She looked down to see his face, only to realize that her breasts were pressed against his palms.

She shrieked and palmed her molester on the nose, lifting herself up and shaking like a leaf. She crossed her arms around her breasts, breathing harshly. She wiped her unshed tears and looked towards the man lying eagle spread on the grass, his hands clutching his face. People were starting to take notice which made her guilt swell up to infinity.

She rushed to her savior and pried his hands away from his face, only to be face to face with something that had happened the previous day. Sasuke's nose was splattered with blood, his eyelids fluttering.

He groaned and opened his eyes, glaring at the person who was stupid enough to walk with their eyes closed. He grabbed hold of the person's sleeve and pulled him/her down. He was about to launch into his 'I'm-so-pissed-that-I-might-actually-castrate-you' mode when he saw a pair of lavender eyes wide open, inches away from his dark ones. His fingers loosened their hold as his eyes swept over her flushed face and open lips.

His long fingers inched over the nape of her neck, her delicate fingers clutched his shirt. His lips hovered above hers, her lips pouting unconsciously towards his. His breath fanned her mouth, her breath was hitched in her throat. He couldn't give two shits about his bleeding nose, she looked everywhere except at his bleeding nose.

They inched closer to one another, the crowd around them disappearing into thin air. Sasuke brushed his lips with hers, his insides bursting like firecrackers.

"S-stop." She whispered, her voice laden with obvious excitement yet misery.

"Why ?" He questioned, getting up on his knees.

She stood up and dragged him along with her towards the soccer fields.

"Where are we going ?" He asked, catching up with her. She looked at him with a gloomy expression on her face. She turned away and started walking at a much quicker pace. Upon reaching the field, she stopped and turned around to face him, tears making their way down her cheeks.

He was surprised at the way she looked right then. Standing with her arms around herself, her lips trembling and tears falling down her crimson cheeks, she looked adorable.

_'What the fuck is wrong with me ?! Adorable ? Tomato's crying here, you idiot.'_

Sasuke reached out for her but she took a step back. He looked at her, puzzled by her behavior.

"What.. What happened ?" He asked, his hands hanging limp by his sides.

She poked her fingers and mumbled something incoherently, biting her lip.

"Tomato-Chan?" He asked, dumbly.

"You don't even know my name." She whispered, looking towards the freshly cut grass, her feet shuffling.

Sasuke was at a loss of words. He felt a number of emotions whizzing through him. He felt guilt, confusion and something else entirely, spreading through his veins. He looked at the girl in front of him. She stood there, tears rolling down from her eyes, her lips red due to excessive biting, shielding herself from the cool breeze by nuzzling her chin on the jacket she was wearing. He tried to breathe in and clutched his nose in pain. He then realized that he'd lost a lot of blood from his nose and that same blood had accumulated on the region from his nostrils till his chin. He tried to wipe away the now dry blood from the back of his black shirt, thinking about what to say to the person in front of him.

Hinata rushed to him and handed him a wet wipe from her hand bag. When he ignored her and continued abusing his shirt's sleeve, she stepped closer to him and tilted his face towards her, dabbing his wounded nose with minimal pressure. He rolled his eyes and let her continue her ministrations, staring at her features as if for the last time.

"What's your name?" he questioned, staring into space.

Hinata squeaked and removed her hands from his face. She tried to step back from him but her movements were denied as Sasuke grabbed her by her arms.

"Le-let me g-go."

"What's your name, Tomato-Chan ?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her, his hands intertwining with one another behind the small of her back.

"Hi-Hinata." She answered, leaning away from him.

"Hyuga ?" Sasuke asked and glanced at the object dangling from her neck, twirling a strand of her midnight blue hair between his fingers.

"Ho-How'd you kn-know ?" Her eyes widened, her face pale.

"Why are you so surprised ?" He asked nonchalantly, his fingers disappearing in her dark tresses.

"Ha-have y-you bee-been stalking m-me ?" She asked, her form trembling.

"Why, yes. I've been sent from a super secretive agency to assassinate you." He said, his ignorance reaching on a highly new level.

"WH-WHAT ?" She shrieked, prying his hands away from her body.

"I'll pierce your snow-like skin with an assortment of knives and blades, skim it off and make a coat out of it. And then I'll pull out your silky blue tresses, one by one, using a pair of tweezers. I'll use these hair strands to make a wig for my favorite mannequin. You know.. For target practice."

Hinata tried to push him away, her legs trying to kick him. Her voice was hitched in her throat. She wanted to scream and push him away, but her movements were restricted by his strong hold on her body.

"I'm kidding, idiot. I just had a glance at your Student I.D." He said, ruffling her bangs.

She hit him on the side of his head and earned a hearty chuckle from him.

"You went through my bag ?" She shrieked again, this time without stuttering.

Sasuke sighed and brought his hand towards her neck. He slid his finger underneath the chain and lifted it up, a shiny, white Student I.D. card dangling from it. Hinata's expression changed from shock to embarrassment, her cheeks turning red.

"O-oh. Go-gomen."

"Now, Hi-Na-Ta. Tell me, why did you lure me here ? Was it because you wanna tie me up to the goal post and do unimaginable things to my body ?" He whispered, leaning down on her small frame, inches away from her crimson face.

To say she blushed would obviously_, obviously_, be an understatement.

She squeaked like a mouse and hid her face behind her bangs, her face and ears turning red.

"Maybe, you were interested in me. Therefore, you lied to me yesterday."

"Ab-about what ?" She demanded, surprised at the sound of her own voice booming.

"About you not harboring any sort of sexual feelings for me."

"B-but you were the one wh-who had ki-kissed me yes-yesterday !"

"That does not certify that I like you."

"Bu-but , you kiss-kissed me !"

"On the cheek."

"S-so ?"

"That's my point, exactly. I kissed you on the cheek. So..?"

"B-but.. Yo-you had even asked.. N-no.. You'd demand-demanded me t-to be your gir-girlfriend."

"I did."

"I don-don't understand !"

"Of course you won't. Your major's Psychology."

"Ex-excuse me ? Ju-just because you-you're major is Law, it doesn't give y-you the right to mo-mock the others !"

"Shut up, Hinata."

He said her name out loud, placing his hands in the pocket of her, _her_, jacket.

"D-don't." She stuttered, stepping away from him. She felt her phone vibrate in the pocket of her jeans.

She unlocked her phone and read the text she'd just received.

_1:18 p.m. : Wher r u ? Meet me near d Beany Beans café. My class jst finished. – Ino_

She looked back to Sasuke, who was glaring at the object in her hands. She felt like giggling when she saw his now blue-black nose twitching.

"About last night. Why didn't you pick up ?" He growled, crossing his hands against his broad and lean chest.

He subconsciously twitched his bruised nose.

_'I think it's broken.'_

Hinata sighed and poked her fingers.

"I-I don'don't think we sho-should see each oth-other any-anymore, S-Sasuke-San."

"Say it again."

"I don't th-think we should.. We shouldn't s-see each oth-other."

"My name, idiot."

"Huh ?"

"Say my name, Hinata."

"Wh-why ? Are you in-into the sub-dom th-thing ? Like Ch-Christian Grey ?" She whispered.

"I'm going to ignore that, Hinata. Just say my name."

"Sa-sasuke-san ! Are yo-you hap-happy now ?" She screamed at him.

"No honorifics, Hinata."

"Why ar-are yo-"

"Just do it."

"S-S-Sas-Sasuke."

Sasuke inwardly groaned at the sound of his name coming from her mouth. He wasn't going to get much sleep at night. He wondered if there as any water left for a cold shower back in his dorm room.

"I like you, Hinata."

"Yo-you kn-know no-nothing about me."

"I do."

"Save it. Yo-you did n-not even know my name un-until I to-told you so."

"Why do you want this to stop ?" He asked, gesturing towards the space between them.

"Be-because I.."

"Because you ?"

"Because.. I-I.. I have.."

She trailed on, her eyelids drooping. She didn't want anything to stop, even if this was the second day of their new found bond. She didn't want to stop seeing Sasuke, even if it meant breaking his nose every time they came across one another. She wanted to tell him the reason. She wanted to tell him about the latest assignment she'd gotten. She wanted to tell him about her part-time job at the PGA.

"I-I have a boy-boyfriend."

She wanted to tell him about the fact that she had to pretend to be someone else's girlfriend for the coming two weeks.

"You what ?" Sasuke asked, his breath hitched in his throat.

"I-I have a boy-boyfriend."

"Who is he ?" Sasuke growled at her, his fists clenching and his nails digging into the skin of his palm.

"I-I won't te-tell." She whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks once again. She shoved a crumpled piece of paper in his hands and stepped away. She clutched her bag tightly against her chest and pushed past him, running away from the soccer field towards the eastern part of the campus, towards the Beany Beans Café.

Sasuke stood motionless in the middle of the green, grassy field, his face betraying him of any emotion. After a few minutes he finally turned his head in the direction Hinata went, looking at her back running away from him. He slid down on the grass and stared at the piece of paper she'd pushed in his hands before taking off. He unfolded the crumpled sheet and smoothed out the edges, waiting for a few moments before reading the contents.

_'Sasuke-San.  
I'm sorry for what I'm doing. I know that you felt the connection as well. You know, the spark between  
us ? Whatever my decision is, I hope you will follow through it. I'm doing this because there are some things that I need to complete before getting attached with you. If you're kind enough, give me a span of two weeks .Everything would be alright by then.  
I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble.  
Yours truly,  
Hyuga Hinata.  
P.S. Please delete my number or I'll register a complaint against you.'_

At least she did acknowledge the chemistry between them. What was she talking about, anyway ? Was she going to break it off with her asshole of a boyfriend within these two weeks of Autumn break ?

She wanted him to delete her number ? Hah. As if he'd do that.

She said two weeks. Fine. No problem. In fact, he would be busy too. He had a pseudo girlfriend to show off to his freaky family.

And then, absolutely nothing would stop him from claiming her.

* * *

Naruto winced as he heard the door being banged open. He saw Sasuke stomp inside with a pout on his face, the region of nose and cheek bones varying in the colors blue, red and black and his knees smeared with dirt and blades of grass. His gaze followed his roommate's every move as Sasuke sat down on his bed with his face in his hands.

"Bro.. You alright ? Why's your nose bruised ?" Naruto asked, turning to face Sasuke.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted. He got up and went over to the Uchiha, placing his hands on his best friend's shoulders.

"Are you sure ? Did you get into a fist fight with Inuzaka ? Suh-weet !"

"Stop being a dick, Narutard. I'm fine." He grumbled, shoving the blonde's hands away and plodding off to the bathroom.

"Stop PMSing then." Naruto shouted from behind and received the middle finger in return.

Naruto entered the bathroom behind Sasuke, who was washing his hands and arms, and asked,

"Where is your phone ?"

"I don't have it with me."

"You should carry your phone with you, always. It keeps on chirping every few seconds."

"Whatever you say, Mom."

"Bastard, I'm serious. You've got around fifteen-twenty calls from the PGA-whatever that is, alone."

"You've been snooping ar- Wait. The PGA ?" Sasuke screeched, running out of the bathroom towards the dresser.

He unlocked his phone and saw that he'd actually gotten eighteen missed calls from the PGA. He locked his phone and threw it on his bed.

_'I'll give them a call tomorrow.'_

He sat down on his desk and began working on that day's assignment.

"Dude, what's the PGA?"

"Shut up."

"Uh.. Just tell me, already."

"Can you please shut your asshole of a mouth for five seconds please? I'm trying to do my homework. I've got a tight schedule."

"A tight schedule of what ? Disappearing under the covers and moaning all night ?" Naruto guffawed.

"I'll castrate you in your sleep."

"Sorry ! Sorry.. Please don't do that. No. I dare you to do that, you bastard."

Sasuke gave him a blank look and turned back to his work.

" Tell me." Naruto whined, begging on his knees.

Sasuke had to tell him. After all, there hadn't been a single thing he'd kept from his idiotic best friend. He was also scared of the fact that Naruto might ridicule him and open his loud mouth to brag about his little secret to everyone.

But there was no way in Hell he could keep this from Naruto.

Sasuke was screwed. He was screwed like a screw screwed in by a screw driver.

* * *

That's a lot of screwing, don't you think?

You screw me by reviewing, I'll screw you by rewarding you (All of my funky followers and reviewers) the next chapter!

Let the orgy begin!

God, I sound like a horny drunk.

Anywaaaaay…

Read and review guys !

R & R !


	4. The Switch

**The Pseudo Girlfriend Agency**

A Sasu-Hina Fanfiction

**Summary : "**_Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency! Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"_

Professional faking at its best./AU/

**Disclaimer : **I don't own the anime. I won't own the anime. I will never own the anime. Yeeeaah.

**A/N :** Once again, thank you for the love guys ! I really want to give a big, fat, slobbery kiss to each and every person who has reviewed, followed or added this story to their favorites.

You all rock. Seriously.

And, **Neon Renaissance**, this one's for you. Although I have no idea why.

Okay.

* * *

**Chapter – 3**

**The Switch**

* * *

Her boots made ticking sounds against the hard cement ground of the campus. Her bag flew behind her, the contents of it threatening to spill out. Her phone vibrated in the pocket of her jeans. Her hair was swaying back and forth, her bangs fluttering and obstructing her view. She ran as fast as she could towards the east side of the campus. The wind was blowing in the direction opposite to her, making her slow down. The setting sun glared at her making her sweat in all places. She paused for a while and stood there, leaning down with her hands on her knees, her breaths coming and going in short, hard puffs.

Upon regaining her composure, Hinata straightened herself and walked briskly towards the small café. The quaint coffee place was surrounded by huge Sakura trees, the path towards the entrance hidden by the pink, small petals. She could hear soft music playing inside, the smell of freshly made coffee and donuts wafting in the air.

The door jingled when she entered, making a particular blonde snap out of her day dreaming.

"Hinata ! Where were you ?" Ino dragged the Hyuga towards their usual booth in the corner. Hinata raised her hand and signaled the blonde to wait as the lavender-eyed woman regained her breath. Ino huffed and took a large gulp of the iced tea she'd ordered earlier, her expression impatient, watching the Hyuga slither out of her jacket.

Inner Hinata was freaking out. What was she going to tell Ino about her whereabouts ? She couldn't possibly tell the blonde that she was out smashing a certain someone's nose, only to 'dump' the same person after a span of thirty minutes. She had to think of an excuse. Something that would not arise any doubts in Ino's mind.

The Hyugas were known for their exceptional skills when it came to telling white lies with a straight face. It only took them one tenth of a second to make up some excuse or story.

But Hinata ?

"I-I.." She stammered, racking her brain for an excuse. It seemed as if Ino could see right through her pathetic attempts. The Hyuga sighed and played with the hem of her jacket's sleeves, her face scrunched up in concentration.

"I-I.. I mean.. I was.. I was in the Uni's campus. Ju-just like you we-were! I mean.. Where else cou-could I-I go any-anyway ? I was in Uni, I-Ino." She exclaimed, feeling stupid.

"You're hiding something." The Yamanaka accused, narrowing her eyes.

Hinata squeaked and shook her head vigorously.

"I-I.. Had class ?" She tried lying again, her voice ten times higher than usual. The excuse seemed to work because the very next second Ino started digging through her bag. The baby blue-eyed woman took out two files, one red and one blue, and handed the red one to Hinata who looked at the blonde questioningly, one of her eyebrows raised.

"PGA." Ino answered, leaning towards Hinata and whispering.

"Oh." Hinata slumped in her seat and blew out a strand of her midnight blue looked towards Ino who was busy going through her own blue colored file, gasping and humming with delight.

At least someone got the assignment they pleased.

To say that she was displeased would be an understatement. She left the crimson file unattended, her thoughts sneaking away towards a certain onyx-eyed guy.

What was it about him that made her blush ? Made her knees go weak ? Curl her toes with excitement? She thought about his eyes and the way she wanted to drown into those dark pools of mystery. His face as a whole, making her heart flutter. His voice, oozing out of his rose petals-like lips like molten, dark chocolate. His lean yet strong body, so warm and comforting. And his nose, something that she couldn't possibly ignore.

Hinata felt a wave of guilt crashing down on her. She'd practically broken his nose twice. And all that blood ? She'd been pretty scared when she'd thought of him dying due to excessive blood loss. And a broken, detached nose.

And to think that he hadn't been aware of her name.

Hinata blushed when she recalled him calling her 'Tomato-Chan'. The nick name was quite absurd, according to her. She in no way resembled a tomato.

And when he'd spoken her name out loud, all she could think was about how many back flips she could do in one go. She wanted to throw confetti in the air and dance around like a gypsy.

But that did not mean that she did not want to chew his head off.

Oh, yes. Hyuga Hinata was pissed at the raven haired guy for being so forward with her. The guy had the audacity to grope her_, grope_ her, and then kiss her in front of everyone. He'd kissed her, purposely ignoring the crowd that had formed around them. And that crowd was not just any crowd.

The crowd consisted of all the _Law Majors_. And the Law Majors of Konoha University were the popular ones, the gossip mongers who would party all night and yet score the highest marks in any test, the freaky thinkers, genius and evil. Pure evil. Sinisterly evil.

And Sasuke ?

He was the leader of their pack. Well, at least he seemed to be.

Plus, he'd groped her.

But he'd also kissed her. He'd kissed her chastely, the kiss so meek, so fragile.

So perfect.

Spine tingling and toe curling perfect.

She had mixed feelings for him. She strongly believed in the phrase, _'There's a thin line between love and hate_'. Hence, the hazy emotions regarding a certain raven haired man were spinning in her head.

If it were up to her, she would've bitch-smacked him right across the face with all the sass and trash talking she'd learned from Ino. Only if she could get over the stammering, blushing and sweating that usually occurred around him and him only.

And to think she had to devote herself to some random stranger for the upcoming two weeks.

Hah. As if she knew Sasuke throughout her whole life.

* * *

"I talked to her today." Naruto grinned and rubbed the back of his neck, looking towards the guy beside him. Sasuke grunted and shook his head, his insides burning up with that day's commotion.

After all the time they'd spent together, be it only a span of two days or less, she was just going to end this all ? Sasuke wanted to smack himself for even thinking about the remote possibility of him ever being with the Hyuga. Well, he now at least knew both her last and first name.

Hyuga Hinata.

Her name practically screamed warmth. He thought about the way she'd landed on him a few hours earlier. Her lean yet curvaceous body on top of his, their legs tangled. Her breasts pressed against his palm, round and so perfect to fondle. He could still feel the sensation of her hardened nipples against the pads of his fingers.

"-suke ? Bastard ?"

Sasuke was pulled out of his trip down memory lane when he saw two fingers snap in front of his eyes. He looked towards the idiot walking with his back towards the road.

"What ?" He asked, confused yet agitated by the way Naruto grinned at him.

They were walking towards the upbeat café in the East campus for steaming coffee, the day's exhaustion catching up with their tired bodies, brains and hearts. Cheesy, yes.

"You're zoning out, man. You 'kay ?" Naruto asked, his face split into two by the knowing grin that was plastered onto his mouth. When Sasuke didn't respond, he slapped him on the back of his neck.

"What the..?" Sasuke growled, socking Naruto in the face.

They both collapsed on the ground, wrestling each other. They snapped out of their brotherly love when they heard a group of girls mewling and drooling at the sight of them. They hastily got up and walked faster towards Beany Beans, both sporting black and blue noses.

"You broke my nose, bastard !"

"This is the second time today that _someone's _attacked my nose. I needed an outlet for my frustration."

"Yeah, come to think of it, your nose is always bruised these days. Inuzaka riling you up, man ?"

"Shut up, Narutard."

"Wait a minute. You're having _BDSM _with Inuzaka Kiba ?!" Naruto screeched, his face cast into a look of absolute horror.

Sasuke's eyes bulged out of his sockets. He gritted his teeth and kicked Naruto in the balls, landing on top of the now screaming blonde, punching the living daylights out of him. Naruto grabbed hold of his precious jewels and wailed, the pain of Sasuke's foot colliding with his babies not subsiding. And to add more to his agony, Sasuke was hitting him repeatedly, sometimes on his face, sometimes near his male member.

They were again surrounded by a bunch of scantily dressed girls with blood running down their noses, screaming 'Bow to the Yaoi God for blessing us with such hot messes' like a mantra.

Sasuke, finally understanding the scenario, looked down at his best friend and nodded. Naruto took the signal and they both scrambled to their feet, sprinting away towards the small coffee shop. Upon reaching the entrance, Naruto paused and panted with his hands on his knees. Sasuke wiped away the sweat collecting near his eyebrows, his bangs stuck to his forehead messily.

The automatic glass doors slid open and the two entered the quaint place. Upon setting his foot across the threshold, Sasuke felt chills running down his arms. He dismissed the fact as change of surroundings and put on his jacket. They slid into a booth in the corner, their table next three boys shouting rowdily and diagonal from the table where two girls sat, the blonde one babbling and the bluenette looking out the window.

Wait. Was that Hinata ? Nah. Hinata was wearing a jacket today.

He craned his neck to get a good look at her face. When he was on the verge of falling off his seat, Naruto pulled him up.

He looked away and focused on the blonde in front of him.

* * *

She heard the blonde in front of her squeal and shooed her thoughts away.

She looked towards Ino who sat there gushing about the 'mission' she had to date for the upcoming two weeks. She then glanced towards the glass doors of the café, hearing the jingle of the doors, and saw the backs of two guys, one raven haired and the other blonde. Hinata felt tingles all over her body.

Could that be..? Nah. Sasuke wasn't wearing a jacket today.

She stretched to her full height and yet the face of the raven haired guy wasn't visible to her. Curse her small height. She sighed and let go of the thought that Sasuke could be there as well.

Hinata ignored Ino, who'd taken to squealing again and thought about her status with Sasuke.

She didn't even know the guy's last name and here she was, sitting and thinking about him while ignoring her best friend, who babbled constantly about their forthcoming 'assignments'.

"-his brother is getting married in about two months. In these two weeks he'll just introduce me to his family as his so-called girlfriend, you know. But Hina- Uh.. Hinata ? Hello ?"

Ino snapped her fingers in front of the Hyuga's face. Hinata sat upright and blinked, smiling at Ino sheepishly.

"Y-yes ?"

Ino pointedly glared at her before continuing.

"Anyway, remember that guy who'd banged into me the other day ?" Ino questioned, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ears.

"Blonde, blue eyes ? Nariko ? Narumi ?"

"Naruto. Anyway.. He stopped me on my way to my Experimental Psycho class. And do you know what he did next?" Ino gushed, her cheeks streaked with the color red. Hinata shook her head and urged Ino to continue.

"He asked me if he could carry my books. " Ino squealed, hiding her face in her hands.

Hinata giggled at her best friend's antics. Ino looked at her with a glint in her eye, her lips set into a grin.

"And do you wanna know what I did next ?" Ino raised her eyebrows.

"You passed some snarky comment about how you were too good for him and that you'd call the thugs the next time he meets you ?" Hinata asked, unable to control her giggles.

"How'd you know ?" Ino exclaimed, pointing her index finger at the lavender eyed woman.

"I'm a Hyuga. I know my shit." Hinata laughed, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Stop quoting Neji-kun." Ino grinned, shaking her head.

* * *

"And then she said that she'd call her muscled friends the next time I spoke to her." Naruto whined, gulping down his over sweetened latte. Sasuke scoffed and then smirked, his eyes glinting.

"Trouble in paradise, eh ?" Sasuke chuckled, taking a sip of his black coffee.

"Shut up, bastard. Unlike you, I'm getting some outlet. At least I don't moan 'Tomato-Chan' in my sleep." Naruto grinned, looking at Sasuke with an amused glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, you do it in the shower." Sasuke smirked.

"Well, I don't have to run down to the laundry room every time I soil my bed covers." Naruto chuckled, the small, minute hair above his upper lip coated with a layer of latte froth.

Sasuke glared at him from the brim of his mug, throwing a sachet of sugar on the blonde's face.

"Who is she, anyway ?" Naruto questioned, raising his eyebrows. He tore open the very same sachet that had landed on his face and poured the white crystallized sugar in his drink. Sasuke visibly gagged at the sweetness of the blonde's concoction, pushing the other, unused sachets towards the blonde.

"Hinata. Hyuga Hinata."

"Hyuga Neji's cousin ?!"

"Come on. There are countless number of Hyugas in Japan. They couldn't be possibly related."

"Whatever, man. So, did anything happen ?" Naruto gave him a dirty smile, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Shut up and drink your gateway to diabetes." Sasuke grumbled.

Did anything happen ? Hah. As if.

Sasuke stared at the air bubbles forming on the surface of his coffee, his mind drifting towards a certain Hyuga. Why was she taking over his mind, soul and body?

He groaned inwardly when he recalled Hinata saying his name in that sugary voice of hers. He felt his pants tighten, his breath hitch in his throat. His cheeks sported a raging flush, his throat dry.

He took a big gulp of his coffee, clearing his throat.

How could that small, mouse like chick get to his head and rile him up? What was it about her that he couldn't get his mind off of ? Her habit of poking her fingers together ? Of nibbling on her bottom lip ? Of blushing red like a tomato whenever he was around her ?

He'd nick named her 'Tomato-Chan' because he couldn't get over the fact that the girl he liked resembled his favorite fruit. In terms of blushing, of course.

He was also unaware of her name, hence the nick name.

And the kiss ? He wanted to pull out all his hair for not kissing her in the football fields. The kiss that had taken place near the Law Department was probably the best kiss he'd ever experienced.

It was so chaste, so pure.

So perfect.

Spine tingling and toe curling perfect.

* * *

Ino looked at her best friend zoning out, a distant look in her lavender eyes.

"You're not telling me something." Ino accused, crossing her arms which made her cleavage peek out from the clingy shirt she was wearing. A couple of guys from the next booth whistled and hooted at her, making her bang her fists on the table.

"You should just ignore them, Ino." Hinata whispered, tugging on Ino's sleeve. Her face was flushed crimson.

Ino, being the brash loud mouth she was, screeched at them.

"What, man ? What ? You wanna look at my lumps ? Listen to me, you wanna-be Jonas Brothers. I will cut you with my nail filer. And then I'll ask my friend to sacrifice your blood to Jashin. You hear me ?" She glared at them, her canine teeth visible and shining.

* * *

They both whipped their heads towards the sound when they heard the guys beside their table hoot and whistle.

When Ino came into view, Naruto fell off his seat. He tugged on Sasuke's jacket frantically.

"That's her, Sasuke. It's Ino !" He whisper-screamed. Sasuke looked towards the tall blonde, surprised at the way she glared at the idiots next to them.

"I'm so going to kill these bastards." The blonde grumbled, getting up from his seat. Sasuke grabbed him by the collar and shoved him back inside.

"Let her handle this on her own, Naruto."

"What ?"

"Just let her handle this on her own."

Naruto grumbled and looked towards the object of his affection banging her fists on the table.

"You should just ignore them, Ino." The bluenette pleaded.

Sasuke whipped his head towards the table diagonal to theirs. His eyes widened when he saw his Hyuga kitten tugging on Ino's sleeve, her face adorned with the color red.

What was she doing here ? And the chills he felt on entering the place, were they because of her presence ?

Before he could get up from his seat, he heard Naruto's girl screech.

"What, man ? What ? You wanna look at my lumps ? Listen to me, you wanna-be Jonas Brothers. I will cut you with my nail filer. And then I'll ask my friend to sacrifice your blood to Jashin. You hear me ?"

To say that Sasuke and Naruto were impressed by Ino's outburst would be an understatement.

Naruto stared at her in pure awe and adoration, his hands clasped around the region of his chest where his heart was supposed to be.

Sasuke stared at her, astounded by the way Hinata's friend carried herself.

Hinata's friend.

Hinata.

Sasuke growled and glared at the blunette who was frantically tugging at Ino's sleeve. He put his hand in the pocket of his jeans, taking out the crumpled piece of paper that Hinata had shoved into his hands.

Two weeks. She wanted two weeks.

How could he, Uchiha Sasuke, let go the girl of his dreams?

Even though Sasuke wasn't known to be a man of his word, he somehow felt that disobeying Hinata would be like asking for death.

He sighed and looked towards the unsuspecting girl, smiling softly when he heard her giggle over her friend's antics.

She wanted two weeks' time ? He would willingly give her two years if her answer would be the one he wanted to hear. He wanted to marry this woman. This woman with the perfect smile, the perfect breasts. This woman who blushed all the time and yet wasn't shy enough to prove her worth.

This woman he'd met only a day ago.

* * *

"Aren't you going to go through your file ?" Ino continued, pushing the red file towards Hinata.

Hinata grabbed hold of the file and opened it, the details of her new 'boyfriend' glowering at her from the ivory sheets. She snapped the file close and kept it back on the table, taking a sip of Ino's drink.

The shy woman looked around the small café, the walls painted in hues of blue, green and silver. The small pieces of furniture like the book case, the bean bags, the small, round tables, the paintings on the walls were all cast in warm shades of red, orange and gold, amplifying the coolness of the walls and the shades.

She then compared this combination of warm and cool shades with the possibility of her being with Sasuke.

She was Hinata. She was warm and loving. Her name practically screamed the same.

He was Sasuke. He was cool and arrogant. His last name was unknown to her.

She looked towards the table diagonal to them, the backs of the blonde and the raven visible to her. She felt her toes curl in her boots, her hands sweat in nervousness. She just wanted to get a look at the raven once.

A feeling in her gut told her that it was Sasuke. Her mind screamed the opposite at her.

Sasuke wouldn't stalk her, right ? She knew that Sasuke was impulsive but he wouldn't dare take a step that would in any way possible make her feel uncomfortable. That he would respect her wishes and give her two weeks' time to get her work over with, instead of behaving like a brat who got his candy snatched.

But that was Sasuke. He was capable of everything. Hinata had learned the hard way, being a victim of 'phone number' bullying, kissing, groping and all, that Sasuke could do anything.

But it could've been an accident.. Right ?

She knew that Sasuke had certain habits, certain traits that made him a little.. Demanding. She'd only met the guy twice and yet she seemed to know these traits about him. Hello, she was a psychology major.

And these were the very same traits that made her stomach coil in desire yet made her hands twitch in hopes of slapping him across the face.

She bore holes into the raven's head, screaming at him in her mind.

"Turn around. Damnit, just turn around !" She grumbled under her breath, gaining a look of uncertainty from Ino.

The trick seemed to work. The raven turned around towards her.

* * *

His eyes softened. Her eyes widened.

He smiled. She closed her gaping mouth.

He winked. She blushed.

He smirked. She looked away.

* * *

It was Sasuke. He was here, in a booth diagonal to hers. With his nose bruised and blackened.

Hinata sighed and glanced at him, looking down in embarrassment when he caught her sneaking a peak.

She felt her phone vibrate.

_'2 weeks ? Fine. But you're mine after that.- Your future hubby ;)'_

Hinata squealed and threw her phone on the seat next to her. She hid her face in her hands, her heart threatening to escape out of her ribcage.

"Hinata, are you okay ?" Ino asked, her tone worrisome.

"I'm fi-fine Ino. Ju-just ex-exhausted." She replied, sneaking a look at Sasuke who was chuckling at her state.

"Let's go back, ne ?" Ino asked, glancing at the funky wall clock hanging near the water faucets. The blonde stood up and went towards the billing counter to pay for her drink.

Hinata utilized this opportunity to set Sasuke straight.

She glared at him, as menacingly as she could, only to realize that she was actually pouting like a baby. She saw Sasuke scoff. She crossed her arms and huffed, her mouth twitching in agitation. She shoved her stuff into her bag accidently grabbing the blue file and collected Ino's stuff in her arms, the red file on the top of the file.

She slid out the booth and stood there, glaring at Sasuke who was mocking her with a smirk plastered on his pink yet manly lips.

She did the only thing she could think of.

She stuck her tongue out to him and walked away, trying to sway her hips as womanly as possible without looking like a person with an infection in his/her private parts.

* * *

"Should I talk to her right now ?" Naruto asked desperately.

Sasuke paid no heed to his best friend as he tried not to moan at the way Hinata was walking away from him.

"Is that.. Is that Hinata ?" Naruto asked, pointing towards the lavender eyed woman who waited for Ino near the entrance. Naruto caught her trying to steal a glance at the Uchiha, grinning at her sheepish expression.

"She's cute." The blonde remarked, eyeing the blushing Hyuga.

"Go get your own Hyuga, dimwit." Sasuke grumbled, distracted by the way Hinata nibbled at her bottom lip.

"Nah. I've already got a Yamanaka."

* * *

"Thanks, Hina." Ino said, collecting her stuff from Hinata's arms. She linked her right arm with Hinata's left and led her towards the exit, the glass door sliding open for them.

Upon reaching their dorm room twenty minutes later, Ino dived on her bed, eagle spread.

"Ne, Hinata ? Could you keep my stuff on my desk please ? I'm kinda exhausted." Ino mumbled face down from her pillow.

"Hai." Hinata grabbed hold of Ino's notebooks and books and placed them on the desk. She glanced towards Ino's bed and saw the red file lying there. She grabbed hold of the file and placed it above Ino's other stuff.

After a long bath she turned off the lights and fell in a deep slumber, just like the blonde snoring two feet away, both thinking (or dreaming, in Ino's case) about their new assignments.

Little did they know that their files had somehow switched.

Which meant that their new boyfriends had also been switched.

* * *

I know, this chapter should've marked the beginning for Hinata's adventure as a pseudo girlfriend.

But alas, the chapter had to be written for future reference.

Anywaaaaaaay !

Please review, follow and add this fic to your faves, people !

I'm kinda dying of sexual deprivation here.

Kidding, kidding. -_-''

Give me looove, folks. I'm lost without it, you see.

R and R people, R and R !


	5. Crushed Dignities and Secrets

**The Pseudo Girlfriend Agency**

A Sasu-Hina Fanfiction

**Summary : "**_Thank you for calling the Pseudo Girlfriend Agency! Want a fake date ? A fake girlfriend ? A fake wife ? You name the type of fake and we'll do our best to save your namesake !"_

Professional faking at its best./AU/

**Disclaimer : **I don't own the anime. I won't own the anime. I will never own the anime. Yeeeaah.

**A/N :** Thanks for the love, my funky potato chips! Soooo.. Who's ready for the next chapter !? Me ! And you, too ! If, by any way possible, I left out on acknowledging any of the reviewers, I apologize. I'm sorry guys. I love you all.

I know, I know. I'm late. Like, super duper late. BUT ! School's been chomping on my ass and I've got my exams coming up. FORGIVE ME, MY DEAR ONES. T_T

ANYWAY..! To compensate for my lazy alter ego's habit of neglecting fics, here's a LONG CHAPTER ! YAAY ! Throw your hands in the air and dance with me.

**Warning :**- This chapter is Crack!atastic. Well, I was high when I wrote this. I'd gulped down three cups of unhealthy, sweet as shit coffee. Loads and loads of caffeine and sugar induced vagueness will be found in this chapter. Deal with it. Boom.

And yeah, I have nothing against the Barbie song by Aqua. Just saying.

* * *

Chapter- 4

Crushed Dignities and Secrets

* * *

The alarm blared on the bedside table, sounding like a fire siren. The sun rays from the window glared at her sleeping form through the purple curtains, yet her socks clad feet felt cold. Her body, curled underneath the covers was warm but, from waist down she shivered. She pressed herself onto the fluffy mattress, her posture resembling a sleeping embryo. She reached out to yank on the alarm's wire. She pulled on it and the blaring stopped, making the midnight blue-haired girl sigh in her sleep.

_'I don't want you anymore, pathetic mutt.' Sasuke sniggered as he looped his arm around the Haruno, his eyes encased within shiny, pink sunglasses._

_'Bu-but Sasu-Sasuke..' She whimpered, tears making their way down her cheeks, her lips quivering._

_'Are you deaf, Hyuga ? He doesn't want you.' Sakura smirked, running her fingers through his dark hair adorned with several pink and purple hairclips. _

_'Wh-why ?' She asked him, ignoring the pinkette. _

_'Because..'_

_'Be-because ?'_

_Sasuke stood with his hands on his waist, a vision in pink, his hips jut out towards the side. _

_'I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world.' _

_'E-eh ?'_

_'Life's in plastic, it's fantastic. Taste the glittery pink in my words, rotten Tomato-Chan.'_

"Na-nani ?!" Hinata shrieked, her eyes wide open and chest heaving as she blinked her way out of sleep.

Sasuke wearing a pink tutu, singing the 'Barbie Girl' song with Sakura dancing behind him. What the hell was she dreaming about these days ?

She sighed and shook her head to clear her thoughts. She groggily looked towards the alarm clock, the digits frowning at the bounds of her imagination. Ino was nowhere to be seen, the blonde's bed covered with dozens of clothes, accessories and socks. The floor was littered with every type of shoe available, varying from tennis shoes to high heeled Prada boots. She vaguely heard the same, despicable song playing somewhere but dismissed it as a natural reaction from her brain.

"I-Ino ?" She croaked, craning her neck to see across the hall that led to the bathroom as well as the study.

She heard a muffled reply which turned into loud curses after something seemed to have fallen down. She threw the covers away from her lethargic body and plodded towards the bathroom. She cracked open the bathroom's door and came across an older version of her best friend.

"You look..Old." Hinata remarked, pushing her bangs away from her eyes. Her gaze drifted towards the sink where all the makeup was piled, threatening to fall down.

"Really ? I was going for more of a reserved, professional look." Ino sighed, powdering her nose. She held two strikingly matching shades of lipsticks in front of Hinata's lavender, pupil less eyes.

"Choose one."

"Uh.. They both are pink, Ino." Hinata shuddered, her head flooded by images of Sasuke clad in pink.

"Hell, no ! This one's more inclined towards peach whereas this one holds a plum tinge." Ino huffed, her breath making her bangs fly in disarray.

Hinata sighed and rubbed her eyes, yawning in the process. She could hear the blasted song blaring somewhere near, her head pounding.

"Who's retarded enough to play this shit ?" Ino grumbled, dumping her lip gloss on the floor and stomping towards the main door of their dorm. She yanked open the door and leaned out. Hinata scurried after her, standing on her tippy toes. The noise was coming from the room beside theirs.

"Kami ! Hinata, go tell those witches to shut down their crappy racket." Ino held the door wide open and pushed Hinata out into the hallway.

"What ? Wh-why me ?!" Hinata squeaked, pushing past Ino who was glued on the threshold, not budging from her place.

"Because it was I who went the last time."

Hinata sighed. Ino pouted.

Hinata mumbled under her breath. Ino gave her the puppy dog eyed look.

The bluenette walked slowly, cautiously towards the closed door of their adjacent neighbors. She looked back at Ino who was encouraging her to knock by her weird hand gestures, resembling a mad seal. An orange sun dress wearing mad seal.

She gulped and looked back towards the door.

Knock. Knock.

Hinata waited for ten minutes before giving up and scurrying towards the blonde who shook her head and sent the bluenette back, pushing her.

She didn't want to face the 'Redink' witches today. She'd already had enough of Sakura in her dream.

* * *

**_A/N :_**_ Redink = Red +Pink. I know, I know. Not creative, at all. I LOVE SUGAR._

* * *

The door was pulled open by a redhead, staring at Hinata's meek form in utmost disgust.

"Eh, Sakura. Look who's come from the neighborhood." Karin snickered, her unsymmetrical canines glinting. The crimson eyed woman stepped aside to make space for the jade eyed one. Hinata took a step back, throwing a glance towards Ino.

"Oh my, if it isn't my mousy little Hyuga." Sakura smirked and curled a strand of Hinata's hair around her perfectly manicured, bony fingers. She looked at the lavender eyed woman, from head to toe. She scoffed at the bluenette who was clad in a loose shirt and penguin printed pajama bottoms, her small feet sticking out in fuzzy bunny slippers.

Hinata winced when she felt the pinkette tug sharply at her hair.

"Uh.. I-I.. Cou-could you pl-pl-please turn the vo-volume d-d-down ?" She squawked, edging away from Karin and Sakura.

Karin crossed her arms and looked towards Ino's direction, smirking when she saw the blonde fuming. She tugged at Sakura's super short skirt.

"Looks like her girlfriend is jealous, Sakura." Karin grinned, gesturing towards Ino. Sakura laughed, a perfect sinister one at that, letting go of Hinata's hair.

"You really don't want me to open my mouth right now, Uzumaki." Ino growled, her lip twitching. She stomped towards the evil pair and stood in front of the Hyuga.

"Yeah. Don't wanna faint due to your disgusting morning breath." Sakura smirked, looking Ino in the eye.

"Even if you do faint, sweet cheeks, no one's gonna come get you. You're only good for dead weight." Ino smirked, crossing her arms. Hinata patted her on the back, trying to soothe the blonde.

"Do you see any dead weight on me, blind pig ?" Sakura growled, clenching her fists. Karin gulped and took a step back across the threshold of their room.

"Well, the weight from your breasts shifted down towards your gigantic thighs. So excuse me for noticing that." Ino gave a hollow laugh and grabbed Hinata's arm, sauntering towards their dorm room.

"Just wait and watch, pork chops. I'll pound on you and your little mouse. Hard." Sakura screeched at their backs.

"Tr-try to con-control your ho-homosexual urges first, Sakura-san." Hinata replied, looking back towards the pinkette, frowning.

* * *

"Oh my God, Hina. You were fucking epic !" Ino screeched from in front of the mirror. Hinata sighed and jumped on her bed, lying face down.

"Where are you going ?" She asked, her voice muffled by the pillow.

Ino slipped on her white stilettos and clasped her watch around her wrist. She pouted her lips in front of the mirror, loving the way she looked right then.

"I've got my Meet-n-Greet scheduled in an hour." Ino replied, shoving her phone, credit card and a pack of tissues inside her small, flower patterned hand bag.

"B-but we ju-just received the files yesterday !" Hinata panicked, shuffling off the bed. She ran across the room towards the study and grabbed hold of her _blue_ file and skimmed over the contents. The blunette smacked herself on the forehead after realizing the fact that her own meeting was scheduled later in the day.

"You okay in there ?" Ino called out.

"Fine."

"Could you grab hold of my file please ?"

Hinata picked up the_ red _file and placed on the dresser, watching Ino straighten her platinum blonde hair.

"Wish me luck, Hina." Ino grinned, making a pose in front of the mirror. Hinata shook her head, giggling at the blonde. She looked towards her alarm clock and squealed.

"You're getting l-late, Ino." Ino glanced at her own watch and her baby blue irises widened. She grabbed hold of her hand bag and kissed Hinata on the cheek.

"I'm gonna go now. Don't wait up for me. Bye !" She opened the door and ran towards the stairs at the end of the hallway.

"Best of luck !" Hinata called after her and shut the door, leaning against it.

* * *

"Bastard, what's wrong with you ?" Naruto asked, poking the brooding Uchiha in the eyes. The latter glared at him and paced around the dorm, grumbling under his breath. The door barged open and two figures walked in, one munching on his beloved barbeque flavored chips and the other sleepwalking.

"Hey..What's up, guys ? It's not even ten in the morning !" Naruto exclaimed, sneaking away a chip from Chouji's packet. Sasuke spared them a glance and resumed his pacing while Shikamaru fell face first on the Uchiha's bed, snoring immediately.

"He texted us to come over, last night." Chouji pointed towards the guy pacing in circles in his pajamas. The Akimichi and Uzumaki shared looks of confusion and settled down on the desk chair and the red bean bag respectively.

"Shikamaru." Sasuke called out to the snoozing Nara. Shikamaru stirred and lifted his head, looking at the Uchiha indifferently.

"Did you dig up anything, anything at all ?" The ebony eyed man asked, standing over the eagle spread figure lying on his bed.

"Wait, what ?" Naruto asked, his brows lifted in utter confusion. Chouji shrugged and continued munching, going through Sasuke's notes scattered on the desk. He came across a blue file lying underneath a bundle of used paper sheets.

"Oi, Sasuke.. What's this ?"Chouji grabbed hold of the file and just as he was about to open it, the file was snatched from his hands by Naruto. Naruto, being the nosy person he was, pried it open.

"The Psuedo- Hey, I was reading that, bastard!" Naruto growled at the Uchiha, who now held the file, and lunged at him. Sasuke stepped to the side and watched as Naruto banged into the wall with a faint thump.

"Is he okay?" Chouji asked, looking at the lump on the floor.

"I think he's unconscious." Shikamaru mumbled, prying one eye open and glancing at the blonde.

"Looks like fate is on our side today." Sasuke chuckled dismissively.

* * *

She glanced at the mess made in the room, sighing to herself. She trudged towards her bed and sat down with a huff. The bluenette fetched her cell phone from the bedside table and unlocked it.

The fact that she'd received twenty nine texts from a certain someone brought a raging flush on her cheeks. She felt her heart beat quicken, achieving a pace that was more than enough to give her a stroke. She gently placed her cell on her side and slapped herself on the cheeks repeatedly.

Why, oh, why was everything happening at such a bad time? She was supposed to be hanging out with her assigned boyfriend today, not gush over a guy who'd proclaimed himself as her future husband.

Her face colored a ripe crimson while she thought of her situation with Sasuke. She'd calculated in her head that he was trouble. She knew that if she got into trouble, her father would surely ship her off to Suna University, someplace she never wanted to stumble into.

Everything was fine until that duck-butt idiot had ruined it all by hiding in that empty classroom. Why did he choose the same classroom as her ? Couldn't he go someplace else ? Hinata scolded herself for falling into a tangled web full of spiders.

Spiders like her new boy-toy. Her father. The PGA.

And biggest, most dangerous of them all,

Sasuke the Duck Butt Spider.

* * *

"I should probably take him down to the sick-bay and then get some more chips." Chouji mumbled, throwing away the wrappers in the bin next to Sasuke's desk. He leaned down and grabbed the unconscious blonde by the shoulders and dragged him out of the room, saluting to the two prodigies before leaving.

Sasuke huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at the lump on his bed. He tapped his foot impatiently, each thump being deliberately louder than the last.

"Troublesome you are." Shikamaru grumbled and pulled himself up, sitting Indian style on the bed.

"I have to get ready in an hour. Hurry up, lazy ass." Sasuke glared at the Nara.

"Urgh, where are you going ?"

"That's confidential."

"Is it the fake girlfriend shit ?"

"Fuck off, Nara ! Just tell me, already."

"Answer my question first, troublesome Uchiha."

"Yes. I'm supposed to meet her for the first time."

"I wonder who it'll be."

"I hope it's not some lunatic."

"I hope it's Sakura. That would be classic."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Why do you need an hour to get ready, anyway ? All you gotta do is-"

"Shower, get dressed, put on some cologne and gel my hair? Not my style. I do stuff the Uchiha way and trust me, it takes an hour."

"Troublesome Duck-Butt."

"Did you find anything ?" The Uchiha asked, for the umpteenth time, glaring and taking a seat on his blonde roommate's bed before jumping in horror. He pulled out the Uzumaki's boxers from underneath his butt, the clothing necessity in his hand wet and reeking of something that was not piss.

"Oh my God !" Shikamaru flung himself away from the wet orange boxers dangling from a very much shocked Sasuke's fingers. Sasuke regained control over his senses and threw the stinking underwear away, towards the blonde's desk.

He then unintentionally ran his very same fingers through his hair.

"You do realize that your hair doesn't require any gel now." Shikamaru smirked.

"What ?" Sasuke asked, confused.

"Oh, you're wel-cum." Shikamaru snickered as he saw Sasuke's mouth pop open, the Uchiha's face cast into a look of pure dread and disgust as he ran towards the bathroom.

* * *

She was no chicken. She could do it. After all, it was only for an hour, right? She would walk right up to him, meet him, greet him and come back. No sappy heart to heart talks, no drama. Plus, she should've gotten used to this by now. It was, after all, her third assignment.

Well, the first two being play dates for nine year old kids.

She was no chicken. She could and would do it.

After gushing about a certain someone for over an hour, Hinata decided to ignore the unread messages waiting for her in her inbox for the rest of the day. If, by any possible way, she couldn't sleep at night.. She would read those texts.

Maybe Sasuke's texts would induce some sleep into her.

Oh, please. Sasuke's texts putting her to sleep ? Trying to invent a piece of magnet with like poles would've been much simpler.

Hinata shook her head and concentrated at the task in her hands. She stood in front of her closet, peering at her clothes. She had kept in mind Konan-Senpai's advice of making herself look desirable during the first meeting.

She grabbed hold of a plum colored, curve hugging shirt and a black skirt which flowed down till above her knees. She then took out a pair of black wedges lined with white lace flowers along with her white overcoat, satisfied with her look.

After a long shower of scrubbing herself, shampooing her hair and singing, she donned her outfit. She went to the dresser and dried her hair, tying it up in a messy ponytail. Stuffing some tissues, her cell phone, chewing gums and her wallet in her lilac handbag, she grabbed the keys and the blue file and stepped outside of the dorm room, locking the door behind her.

While walking through the hallway and into the common area of the Girl's dorm, Hinata nibbled on her bottom lip, butterflies the size of elephants fluttering around in her stomach.

_'Let the Meet-n-Greet begin.'_

* * *

"I hope you die." Sasuke grumbled while slipping on his blue converse. Shikamaru cackled like a witch, clutching his stomach. The Uchiha ignored him and walked towards his desk and opened the blue file, looking through the details for the rendezvous point.

"Where is she meeting you ?" Shikamaru asked, getting up from the bed and stretching.

"The Korean barbeque place, four blocks away from campus." Sasuke scratched his cheek while trying to locate the name or any other identification for his supposed girlfriend.

"Don't they provide a photo or something..?" Sasuke asked Shikamaru who was looking at the file over his shoulder.

"How would I know ?"

"How am I supposed to find her, then ?!" Sasuke growled, snapping the file close. Shikamaru sighed and opened the file again, looking through the written material.

"Hey, it says here that a table has been booked for you. That's your identification." Shikamaru pointed towards the white page.

Sasuke glanced at the table number and hastily grabbed his phone, wallet and keys. He walked out the door only to hear Shikamaru laugh uncharacteristically.

"'Cum' back soon, Duck-Butt."

* * *

Hinata arrived at the restaurant promptly at noon and waited near the reservations' desk. She tapped her feet against the wooden floorboards, glancing at the time again and again.

"Of all the places.." Hinata froze when she heard him lean down and whisper against her ear. She turned around and came face to face to face with his chest, her face colored crimson. She trailed her gaze upwards and saw him mocking her with his usual, arrogant smirk.

"Wh-what are you doing here ?" Hinata demanded, clenching her hands.

"I'd start with a greeting, you know." He taunted her, shrugging.

"Good afternoon. N-now, what are y-you doing here ?" Hinata scowled and crossed her arms.

"Oh my. Someone's feisty today. Really sexy." He whispered the last part, leaning down to her eye level.

Curse her small frame !

She glared at the smug man in front of her, her finger nails digging into her palms. Sasuke bit back a chuckle and looked at her from head to toe. If they had been alone, he would've taken her against the wall right then and there. Sasuke bit his lip and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking away from her tomato like face.

"So, what brings you here, Hyuga Tomato-Chan ?" Sasuke asked, trying to be impassive.

Hinata squeaked and took a step back, clutching on her handbag for dear life. She felt the bits and pieces of her dream coming back to her, making her laugh unknowingly. Hinata brought her hand to her mouth to smother her laughs, tears pooling in her eyes.

Sasuke stared at the bluenette in pure awe. He could feel his lips tugging at the corners of his own mouth, her laughter inducing a smile on his face. Her voice chimed like bells, her face void of any sort of fear or nervousness. He liked seeing her like this, laughing and smiling.

Sasuke decided that her laughter was the only thing that mattered to him.

He tugged on her hair and smiled cheekily at her, reducing her to a giggling, hiccupping mess. He didn't quite understand the reason for her spontaneous outburst. He looked at her questioningly while she panted, wiping sweat from her forehead.

"Are you.. Bipolar ?" He asked, grinning.

"E-eh ? What is th-that supposed to mean ?" She asked, narrowing her eyes and pouting.

"One minute you're questioning my motives of being here and the next minute you're having spasms of laughter."

Hinata blushed and averted his gaze, poking her fingers together.

"I j-just re-remembered the dr-dream I had."

"Dream ?"

"Yes. O-of you." She whispered that last part, hiding behind her bangs.

Sasuke's eyes bulged out of their sockets and his lips quivered. Hinata _dreamt _about _him_ ? Sasuke felt his cheeks grow hot. He could feel his crotch waking up as his breath hitched in his throat.

Why was every little action of hers taking a toll on his mental health?

Uchiha Sasuke was no pervert, mind you. He'd had his fair share of girls and experience, but he wasn't a nymphomaniac. If he wanted to be, he could be immune to almost every seduction technique invented in the world. But this girl..?

This girl, who didn't even try to get into his pants, was making him hard as a rock. This was their fourth meeting in a span of three days and he was already tired of pleasing himself every night, in hopes of quenching his desire for the Hyuga.

He was turning into Naruto. Naruto, who masturbated every night in the bathroom when he'd thought that Sasuke was asleep. Naruto, who would moan the name of a certain someone with every movement. At first the certain someone was a pink haired witch. Now the certain someone was a strong, gutsy blonde.

Coming back on the topic. Reboot.

Hinata would be his. Even if he would have to crush his dignity for her.

Sasuke snapped back into reality when he felt someone tug on the sleeve of his leather jacket. He looked at the Hyuga standing in front of him, her bottom lip quivering.

"Sas-Sasuke, you zo-zoned out." Hinata tried to stifle a giggle.

"Huh ?"

"You're dr-drooling." Hinata laughed, pointing towards his wet chin. Sasuke's eyes widened and he hastily wiped the drool with his sleeve.

There goes his dignity.

* * *

"What are you doing here ?" A growl.

"Uh.. I-I.. Hi ?" A whimper.

"Do you want me to break your face ?" The sound of knuckles cracking.

"Uh.. No." A gulp.

"Urgh, leave me alone, dork !" A huff.

Naruto sighed and closed his eyes, running his hands through his blonde locks. He cleared his throat and looked at her again, pouting. The Uzumakis were known for their sappy, eye watering pouts throughout Japan. Even a rock (Like Sasuke) would budge at the sight of these deadly pouts.

Ino didn't budge.

She crossed her arms and tapped her foot, impatiently. Even though she was practically after his guts, Naruto couldn't get over the fact that she was clad in orange.

_Orange._

The only things right in this world for him were, in fact, orange and ramen. Maybe he should ask his mother to invent orange flavored ramen.

"Look, I have no idea as to why you have been following me around. Did your slutty cousin put you up to this ?" Ino asked, glaring daggers at the tanned male.

"C-Cousin ? Whom are we talking about, exactly?" Naruto asked, scratching his head.

"So you really are a dork." Ino smirked, twirling a strand of her platinum blonde hair around her fingers.

Naruto felt defeated. Everything he did, everything he said only ruined his chances with the Goddess standing a few feet away from him. He slumped and felt her shift on her feet. He looked up and saw her standing a bit closer to him, ready to grab onto his collar and pound him into the side walk.

_'Think, Naruto. Cousin ? Does she mean..?!'_

"Uh.. Were you talking about Karin ?" He asked, standing up to his full height. He saw Ino's lips part at the way she had to crane her neck to see his face. He grinned inwardly and maintained a calm look on his face.

Ino blushed, specks of pink and red visible on her cheeks. Her inner-self had already gone into fan-girl mode upon realizing his actual height and build.

Only two people knew of her having the hots for tall, blonde guys. Hinata and Ino herself.

"Ye-Yes." She cursed herself for stammering.

"Can you keep a secret ?" Naruto asked, sheepishly. Ino nodded and saw Naruto lean down to her height, his face merely inches away from hers.

"I hate that.. Chick." He whispered, giving her a small grin.

"But isn't she supposed to be your cousin ?" She asked, clearly intrigued.

"Yes, she is. I can't stand her, honestly. Every time I come across her, she drags me to some random corner and starts interrogating me about Sasuke." He trailed on, sighing.

"Sas- You mean _Uchiha Sasuke_ ?!" Ino squawked, her face getting hotter as seconds passed.

"Uh.. Yeah. That bastard is my best friend !" He grinned cheekily, yet his eyes held caution.

Ino's eyes widened as her inner-self performed twenty back flips. If the guy in front of her was Uchiha Sasuke's best friend, did that mean..

"You're_ Uzumaki Naruto_ ?!" Ino squealed, jumping.

Naruto couldn't possibly understand the reason for her spontaneous outburst, yet he laughed along with her.

"I don't understand what's happening." Naruto took a step back from the hyperventilating blonde.

Wait, if she was hyperventilating, did that imply that she was his.. Fan-girl ? Naruto grinned to himself. Great, she was already head over heels for him. Now all he had to do was make his move and she would be his.

Ino would be his. Even if he would have to crush his dignity for her.

"I absolutely _adore _your mother's cooking show ! Cook Uzumakingly with Kushina !" She squealed, fanning herself.

Well, there goes his dignity.

* * *

**_A/N :_**_ Uzumakingly – I used it in place of 'amazingly'. Don't blame me. Blame the coffee._

* * *

"I texted you, you know."

"Re-really ? I ha-haven't checked my phone since morning."

"Liar."

A squeak. A grumble.

"I-I a-am n-not a li-li-liar !"

"Whatever you say. So, what are you doing here ? You look appetizing, by the way." Sasuke chuckled when he saw Hinata cough and turn red, again.

"I-I.. I'm meeting someone." She squeaked, avoiding his gaze.

"Aah. The boyfriend, eh ?" Sasuke's aura darkened, his words spit out like venom.

Hinata paled and sneaked a look at Sasuke, who was growling at the potted plant beside her. She felt beads of sweat collecting on her forehead. She needed to get out of his company, even if she would have to skip her date. She prayed for the waitress to lead her away from the brooding guy as soon as possible.

"Even I'm here to meet someone, you know." Sasuke said dryly, shoving his hands in the pocket of his jeans.

Sasuke was meeting someone, someone who was not Hinata. How could he ?!

_'Cut it out, dumbass. You're not his girlfriend.' _Hinata scoffed at her inner-self.

She could now feel what Sasuke had been going through the entire time after she refused him. She could actually feel the back of her eyes stinging, her eyes readying themselves for the waterfall.

"Sas-Sasuke.. You.. I-"

"Miss.. Hyuga ?" Hinata was cut off by a shrill voice calling out her name. She turned around slowly, still not able to face Sasuke and looked at the waitress.

"Y-Yes ?"

"Please follow me, your table is ready."

Hinata nodded and proceeded to follow the waitress looking back towards Sasuke, throwing him an apologetic glance. When he returned her look with a blank one of his own, Hinata turned around and let the tears fall.

She'd royally pissed off Sasuke the Duck Butt Spider.

She sat down at her table, not paying attention to her surroundings. Fetching a tissue from her handbag, she wiped her eyes and sniffled.

Her date could go screw himself.

* * *

"-nd that's why I absolutely hate menma in my ramen." Naruto finished, grinning.

He was keeping her company on her way towards the Korean Barbeque joint three blocks away. They walked shoulder to shoulder, talking about each and every topic lurking behind the folds of their brains.

"Now that we're on our way to becoming friends, could you like.. Get an autograph for me ?" Ino smiled sheepishly. Naruto laughed and placed his hands behind his head, walking casually. He nodded with a wink, loving the way Ino's face colored red.

They paused at the entrance of the traditional restaurant, turning towards one another. Ino stuck her hand out, grabbing Naruto's before he could do it himself.

"It was nice talking to you, blondie." She smirked.

"You too, blondie." Naruto grinned at her.

"So I'll see you around." She winked and left, skipping towards the doors of the joint. Naruto grinned to himself and looked around the parking lot casually.

"Is that Sasuke's car ?" Naruto asked himself before walking towards the black automobile. He saw the number plate and pursed his lips.

What was Sasuke doing there ?

* * *

He had no right to be pissed at her. He wasn't her boyfriend, or even a friend. They'd met three days ago, under the most unusual circumstances, and he could already feel the green-eyed monster taking over him. He remembered Naruto's words from two days ago.

"_You've got the J-factor, baby. And it's not as appealing as the vant Hoff factor."_

Sasuke wanted to kick that potted plant right next to the reservations' podium. The top of it eerily resembled a certain Nara's hairstyle. If only he could grab its branches and twist it into a head lock. But he had to be quick and fast, as plants had a tendency to release carbon dioxide in heavy volumes in day time. He wouldn't want to disturb his respiratory cycle.

What the fuck was going through his head ?!

Sasuke shook his head to clear his thoughts away. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. He turned his thoughts toward the song playing from the speakers near him. He popped the nitrogen bubbles in his fingers and knuckles. He tried air guitaring without even moving his hands, his fingers air-rocking. He bobbed his head up and down, trying to play dead. He glared at the people standing behind him in the line. He even tried to snatch the lollipop of an unsuspecting kid with his ninja like to get his mind off of her.

Nothing worked.

Fuck her guy. He was so much better than her so called boyfriend , right ?

Of course he was.

Two weeks. He'd only give her two weeks. And then he'll whisk her away on his black horse and take her to his castle. Even the skies would boast about the holy matrimony of The Uchiha Prince and the Hyuga Princess.

"Mr. U-Uch-Uchiha ?" The waitress stammered while blushing. Sasuke sighed and glared at her, making the blonde waitress squirm underneath his hard stare.

"Just tell me the damn number." He snapped.

The waitress blushed and nodded.

"Tw-twenty ni-nine." She squawked, hiding behind her clip board.

Sasuke grunted and stalked off towards his designated table, grumbling about the way he hated his fan girls. Without noticing much of his surroundings, he took his seat and fished out his phone, his addiction for the game 'Temple Run' suddenly bubbling up.

Fuck that. After his date he'd go smoke with Shikamaru on the roof of the Department of Medical Sciences. The clinical smell of medicines and disposed experimental bodies would surely mask the smell of marijuana.

That woman had the powers of riling him up.

He heard a sniffle and looked upwards, his eyebrows narrowed in confusion and then worry as he saw his girl-er- Hinata crying in the seat across from him.

"Hi-Hinata ?!" He asked, his anger evaporating.

The said woman froze in her seat, her eyes widened at the sound of her name. She slowly looked up towards the source of the voice, coming face to face with his ebony eyes.

"What are you doing at this table ?" He asked her, his expression bemused and eyes narrowed.

Well, shit.

* * *

"Oi, where is Sasuke ?" He asked, glaring at the restaurant's entrance.

_"I ain't his nanny, baka." _He heard Shikamaru yawn.

"I'm standing in front of his car, as we speak." Naruto scowled at the black Mercedes GLA and proceeded to kick it's front tires in exasperation.

_"Where are you ?" _Shikamaru exclaimed, alarmed.

"I'm at that Korean place Chouji's in love with." Naruto replied, his eyes narrowing at the Nara's tone.

_"Shit. Naruto, whatever you do, do not go inside." _Shikamaru warned him. Naruto heard the clink of metal in the background. Great, the lazy bum was coming to get him.

"What d'ya mean 'Don't go inside'? Are you hiding something from me ?" Naruto growled into the speaker.

Didn't Ino mention something about a date she had to attend ? What if the assumptions he'd made on the previous day were correct ?!

What if Sasuke was dating Ino ?

Oh, Hell no. He couldn't let that happen. He won't let that happen. Ino was the one he was meant to be with, by hook or by crook. Nothing would stop him from claiming her.

And to think his best friend was pining after his future girl. Wasn't he in love with Hinata ?

_"Look, it's not my secret. Ask Sasuke when he comes back_." The Uzumaki heard the distinct sound of a door being shut. Shit, he was actually coming to get him.

"Shikamaru, I'm going in." He declared.

_ "Naruto, don't you dare go in-" _Naruto ended the call and stuffed his phone in pocket of his jeans.

Things were going to end badly, in blood and guts.

* * *

"Name ?" The waitress asked, going through her list.

"Yamanaka Ino." The blonde answered, a small, fake smile gracing her lips.

"Please follow me, Ma'am."

Ino adjusted her hair behind her shoulders as she went after the waitress. To say that she was demoralized would be an understatement. She felt uneasy and wanted to stop. Just stop all the shit in her life and give Naruto the chance to be with her. She knew that she could decline the assignment after meeting her new boyfriend, but something tugged her heart against it.

The guy needed her as much as she needed Naruto. The only difference was that she wanted to spend her lifetime with the other blonde, not a span of two weeks.

This was his fault.

If he hadn't been in the departmental store at that time with her childhood friend, Chouji, she would've reached the restaurant in a span of fifteen minutes. When she'd entered the dispensary to buy some much required chapstick (The lipstick was making her lips as dry as sand) on her way to the eating joint, she was cornered by the Uzumaki behind the aisle of mops and brooms. He'd asked her, politely, if she could meet him outside.

She had been in full mood to blast the other blonde's face, only to come across the fact that he was her favorite celebrity chef's son. The name Uzumaki Kushina moved Ino in so many ways and hence it had become impossible to ignore the sexual tension between herself and Naruto.

She sighed to herself and looked around the place, her face splitting into a grin when she saw a familiar mop of midnight blue hair. Ino thanked the waitress and walked towards her best friend, who was banging her head on the table, only to notice that someone else was approaching the same table as her.

Uchiha Sasuke.

Ino stopped walking and gawked at the way Sasuke ignored Hinata and sat down in front of the bluenette. What shocked her even more was the fact that Hinata didn't pay any heed to the Uchiha in front of her.

Was that intentional or were they simply oblivious to one another ?

Ino decided to spy on the two raven haired people and went back to her table, craning her neck to see the two and heard the Uchiha sputtering.

"Hi-Hinata ?!"

Ino saw her best friend's head snap her head towards the Uchiha, the ends of the bluenette's ears red. She walked towards the pair, confusion visible on her face.

"Hinata ?" She called out, watching the Hyuga turn towards her with.. Relief ?

Sasuke looked towards the approaching blonde and felt realization dawn upon him. This was Naruto's girl, right ? What was going on ? Were they set up by some TV show ?

"I-Ino ?" Hinata questioned, her stomach untangling with relief. She stood up and made her way towards the blonde.

"Uchiha Sasuke is your date for the Meet-n-Greet?" Ino asked, her eyes widening.

"E-eh ?" Hinata shook her head and sat back down, cradling her forehead with her nimble fingers.

"What the Hell ? Wait a minute.. Hinata, do you work a-"

The three whipped their heads towards the reservations' podium when they heard someone cursing and shouting. Naruto was arguing with the waitress, causing a scene.

Hinata went back to whimpering, Ino hid herself underneath the table and Sasuke sat back down, hiding his face with the menu card.

"Sasuke teme !" Naruto screeched, stomping towards their table. He snatched the menu from Sasuke, grabbing the Uchiha by the collar of his shirt.

"You asshole ! You knew I liked Ino and yet you are on a date with her ! I'll kill you, believe it !" He growled, his hands inching towards Sasuke's neck. Sasuke grabbed hold of the blonde's shoulders and pushed him away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, idiot ? I'm not dating Ino ! Do you see her anywhere ?!"

And at that exact moment, Ino came out of hiding.

"TEME !" Naruto lunged at Sasuke again only to be blocked by Hinata.

"S-S-Sasuke is here.. With me." She assured him, gesturing him to take a seat. Naruto sat down with a huff and glared at the Yamanaka, who returned a glare of her own.

Sasuke was still taken aback at the possibility of Hinata working at the PGA. He looked towards the blushing Hyuga who was poking her fingers and scowled.

"Naruto, a word ?" Ino growled.

"Of course, _darling._" Naruto growled back and followed her outside.

The two ravens looked at one another with unreadable expressions.

"Tell me." Sasuke demanded, glaring at her.

"Wh-what ?" Hinata whispered.

"Everything."

"E-every-th-thing ?"

"Yes. Right from the start."

"Th-the start ?"

"The start."

* * *

It's cliffy time ! Yayayayay. Was the drama required ? Was it ? Please let me know.I know I've been blaming the coffee.. BUT I WAS LAZY, PEOPLE !

I LOVE YOU. LOVE ME BACK.

Ahem.

I need a beta-reader. Just saying. *wink wink*

Anywaaay..

Please review, follow and add this fic to your faves, people !Give me looove, folks. I'm lost without it, you see.

R and R people, R and R !


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